Goodbye Mourning
by Mishkov
Summary: Thoughts on the past and how they have changed her life, all the pain, sadness, and loss were completely worth it. Memories starting right after she had choked on her NYADA preformance. A vision of her life after high school. R&R!


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee, not at all.

**AN:** My first ever Glee fanfiction and my first written piece since 2006, I do apologize in advance for my lack of experience in writing these characters. Also I did read over this a few times and tried to catch as many mistakes as possible, I'm a beta but I didn't have anyone to beta my story this time so I do again apologize. This plot came to me last night and this was a spur of the moment thing that I just had to write.

This is more of Rachel reminiscing on her life, her life that I decided to create after watching the last glee episode of them attending senior prom. Don't really worry about dates or time. It pretty much flows together and you can see they are memories of her life of sorts in order. I do wish I had more time to keep writing on this story but when you have a 6 month old it gets a bit tricky. Do enjoy and please R&R because that would be absolutely amazing!

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**Goodbye Mourning**

Nothing was going right, nothing. At least that is what she seemed to tell herself in those days. Choking on an audition she had been preparing for her entire 18 years of life was one thing, one major important thing. Rachel Barbra Berry had felt as if she was losing everything, though some how she still had Finn and all of her friends supporting her, and not to forget her amazing fathers. So she had choked, it happens. She didn't have a backup plan either, that's okay too. There are lots of things she could still do; she could still take Broadway by storm. Her name could still be up in lights, sure it might not be the way she had planned but it will still take place nonetheless. Going to NYADA would have been the metaphorical cherry on top of her hypothetical sundae but that had been ruined. What could she do? What should she do? She had asked her self those questions all of the time after the loss. She did know one thing for sure; that she needed to make a move, create a new improved plan of action.

If she kept still her life would pass her by and she would have done nothing with her talents. The talents she had worked so very hard to perfect. How could someone so talented feel so very lost, she didn't understand at the time? She did however understand that she seemed to be ticking Finn off quite frequently in those days. She had been constantly carrying around a "woe is me" attitude that tended to have that sort of effect on people. As if losing a NYADA wasn't enough she was about to lose Finn as well. A person could only take so much; Finn had been more than wonderful. Taking all of her sadness and misfortune, carrying such as if it was his burden. She was his fiancée; you should take their pain away. Shouldn't you? You should be able to fix all of the problems that have been created. Your lover so desperately needs you. You created none of these suffocating problems but you are looked at to fix them. That takes a mighty toll on a person whom loves you but isn't your soul mate. A soul mate, transforms a relationship. Soul mates live for one another, not just one or the other. Of course you don't realize this when you are younger, you love with your eyes when you are so young. Young lovers are not blind, they see clear. Physical appearance, she saw with her eyes and demanded that she would have him. She did. High school was a chess game; she prayed to be the queen and to crush the pawns. She would have never guessed that she had the wrong king on her board. What a shame really, you had him and you gave him up. Oh here it comes again, that frequently "woe is me" feeling. Realization once again sinking in; you had the right one.

Graduating at the top of her class eased the pain; becoming prom queen had helped too. Reality struck once again and she had ended up at a community college in Lima for two years, completing her basics at the top of her class. She prepared to transfer to a university as soon as she was finished, this time she had applied to various schools. First being the State University of New York, with such a highly competitive musical program she could not resist in doing so. The Juilliard School had of course been next on her list, being located in the heart of New York City; it is a prime spot to learn about the history of musical theater and Broadway while tuning your craft. Her last application was sent to The NYU Tisch School of Drama, well-known for training famous theater stars, and offers an undergraduate acting program that includes "standard conservatory training and theater study," According to all of the research she had intensively done on all of her "could be" future schools. While spending two years home in Lima she had continued to grieve at her loss of NYADA.

Though it did drive her to becoming more successful in her studies and eventually it had created a passage way to becoming truly happy. She just couldn't see it as such for the first few years or so. While living in Lima before moving to New York she had stayed in a relationship with Finn, though there typically wasn't a spark between them anymore. Looking back she didn't really think there ever was one, high school infatuation. This time he was happy in Lima, he had a life. A good job, working part time at his step fathers shop. He had also started going to school for law enforcement. His parents were so proud of him for choosing to become a police office to do greater good in Lima; they decided to put a down payment on a little one story three bedroom house. He wasn't going anywhere this time around, there was nothing she could do or say to change that. He knew of her plans and told her to keep the ring; he wished her all the best in her life and then kissed her goodbye. He thanked her for helping him find his way; he let her know he had no ambitions to do so before. Her grieving, her sadness, her drive, and her suffocating love had pushed him over the edge to find a way to make it out. She has accepted that now, before when he had let her go she had begun another grieving process. That time it was for Finn, not for Finn the person but for the loss of her crutch.

The day after Finn had told her to keep the ring; she had received three letters in the mail. The first letter was from NYU, she had been accepted in to their program. The second letter was from Julliard, she was on their transfer wait list. She couldn't help but smile, because even before she opened the third letter she already had two ways this could go. Two paths she could choose from. She tore open the last letter with ease, giggling as she read the last letter. She remembers that day so clearly, that was another step in her journey. She had also been accepted into the State University of New York. Three Roads to choose from, she choose the school who gave her the full scholarship. The next day she started to pack her bags, gathered the information on the school and dorms she needed. Gathered dates and times, booked her plane tickets and movers information. Consulted in her fathers, they decided they would eventually come to reside in NY as well. Of course they gave her the first two years to go off on her own, to live free. In the months that had followed she successfully moved to NY without any complications in the matter, NYU Tisch her destination. She had still felt lonely though and that was to be expected. New life in a whole new place, yes that had to be expected. She lived in the dorms at the college, which was stated in her scholarship that is what was to be expected.

Upon arriving and settling in her new home she had set her eyes on new faces and met new friends. Learning hot spots in the city, clubs, clothing stores, coffee shops, and the must have beauty salons. She discovered she was beginning to smile without the fakeness lined in her face. One night she decided to go to a little night club with her friends, she had only been living in NY for about 6 months and thought it might be the right time to venture out. Her friends had told her of a small joint that had live music around ten pm and that college students got in for free. Remembering that night was a bit chilly and she wore a lovely outfit that was perfect for her, black pencil skirt with a slit in the back, pale pink silky off the shoulder blouse, and a black heavy long coat. Paired with cute velvet pale pink ankle stiletto boots, she loved those boots. Her hair had been long with slight curls cascading down her back and a slight winter hat to match her coat. She kept her wallet and keys in her coat so no need to lug around a big purse. Using a purse was never a safe bet in NY at night, wouldn't want someone to make a grab and run. She would have had no chance to catch them in those boots she had been wearing, though she would have tried like hell. She was blessed that it never came to that. They had decided to leave around nine that night and take a short cab ride down the street to where the club was located. It had only been a few blocks away; they were all in heels and decided against walking on that particular evening.

Entering the club that night around nine thirty, light music was playing over the speakers and some couples here and there were dancing about the place. Remembering how she had gotten a light drink at the bar, and then making her way towards the stage. There was seating against the wall on the far left of the stage, just enough for her and the girls to take their place. They giggled at all the lovers dancing and made a bit of fun. They had all been single at the time, so why not make a little fun at all the love birds in the room. Around ten fifteen the music coming through the speakers started to fade out and a small older woman had come out on stage thanking people for coming out that night and introducing the first performers out on to the stage. It was a young red head girl; she couldn't remember the name of the girl if her life depended on it. She wishes she could, she played a small part in her happiness.

The spot light was as devouring the girl, blurring out the faces of the two men playing acoustic guitars behind her. The red head had a beautiful voice, slow and perfect for folk music. Her girlfriends kept getting up to dance to every song they played, while she sat back and enjoyed the beautiful sounds of the guitars playing. Of course while this takes place she forgets how many drinks she has had to drink, and she starts feels great. One of her friends pull her out to dance to a song and with no protest in her inebriated state she complies and glides on to the dance floor. Giggles and smiles. He'd never forget that drunken laugh anywhere and in any life after hearing it so long ago in her basement, or at least that's what he had told her. After the night was up she found herself separated from her group, throwing up in the ladies room does that to a girl some times. Getting a cup of water before she headed out on to the street, before she makes it out the doors she feels a hand gently placed onto her exposed shoulder. Her coat had been draped over her arm. She paused because the touch brought what felt like electricity down throughout her entire body, breathing in slowly she prepared herself for something bad to take place. Not knowing at the time that this was the beginning of life for her.

Turning her body to face the offender, her breath caught in her throat before she could say anything. She just stared, that's all she could manage as he smiled at her. After the initial shock wore off they began to talk, they exchanged numbers and went on their separate ways. He became somewhat of a frequent visitor in her life after that chance meeting in the small crowded night club; he had been traveling since he dropped out of school the year she had graduated. He had decided to complete his high school experience by getting his GED instead. Having actually passed the test he decided to take to the roads. Traveling to LA and meeting the duo that became a trio, playing folk music. Music he helped create, it had become his life. They decided to travel to NY and play in clubs out there after bring in LA for nearly two years it was time for them to up root and challenge life. He let go of the Mohawk styled hair, his hair looked normal and at the time of first seeing it had confused her greatly. Turned out she rather liked his new hair style. He still took great care of his body and he still dressed very laid back as the way he had in school. Though there was something different about him, he seemed to be a bit more of a man. His travels had been good to him, matured him in ways.

Lima would have restricted this growth of life out of him. They had slowly begun to evolve themselves in each other's life, creating a friendship because they grew up together. That seemed like a good place to start things, or use it as an excuse. To become closer, but for a while there were no moves made in the direction of something more. Being afraid that the person she had feelings for had no interest in her and afraid she would continue to live a loveless life of continuess mourning she accepted a date. The date happened to be with a young man whom attends the same university. She remembered the look on his face when he asked her if he could come crash at her place after his gig, he was sick of his roommates and wanted a little break from the crew. She had told him that it wasn't a problem and to use his spare key that she had given him because she might be out a bit late that night.

He had asked her why she would be out so late, because she was never really out that late. Not even the night they found each other again. He looked as if he was sick to his stomach when she told him that she was going to be on a date with a man from her university. He was going to lose the contents if she said another word about her having a date. He then just shrugged and said he'd see her after her "bull shit" date and walked off in a rather bad mood. She never made it to that date. She went home to get ready and when she opened the door there were trails of flower petals and candles lit and there he was sitting on her bed hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands covering his face. He had looked up at her with strained emotions on his face. "Don't go." Was all he had said to her and that had been all that took for her to not leave that evening.

After that night she had never left his side, graduated top of her class once again. She had started to audition for a few off Broadway productions, which she did attain with simplicity. He encouraged her every day to be brighter, better, stronger, and smarter. The relationship they had created was one she would never have expected. Many nights they had sat alone together in the loft they rented, quietly whispering and laughing as he softly strummed his guitar and she hummed along making up words to his songs. They had decided to move in together after her graduation, she was out of the dorms and needed a trust worthy roommate. Who better than her own lover, it was the perfect solution. Looking back on her earlier life in Lima she never would have seen her life as it is now. She hadn't created a life with Finn Hudson, the man she thought she would never live without. She is living without him, breathing just fine.

She created a life all on her own, walked down the blessed road all alone and ended up in the arms of Noah Puckerman. The man she had dated for a week in her first years of high school madness. She couldn't be more grateful for finding him, for being able to start a new life and having him right there with her. Through her journey she knows she has grown so much as a person, so much more than she ever thought she could. Once they reconnected they seemed to help one another become much more. They both weren't so one dimensional any more, they weren't so self-involved or self-loathing. Resolving your own past issues tends to free a person from the personal hell that they had created for themselves. There journey had lead them down the same road and it was nowhere near over just yet.

She remembers a time a few years after Noah and herself had been together for a few years. She recalls the moments when she ran into Kurt Hummel, it was in the evening time and she was leaving rehearsal for a known Broadway play she had been staring in. Noah wouldn't be home for a while; he was recording with a few bands in the studio that night. He started working for a production company in the music business during the day and at nights he would stand in the studios for bands needing a seasoned musician for their recording time. He was happy, which in turn made her extremely happy. She didn't realize she was walking so fast when she ran right into him, she just wanted to get home so badly. She was so tired after the rehearsal that she wanted to get home and take a shower then sleep till her love woke her up with sweet kisses all over. She was a little shocked to see him, though she really shouldn't be.

She knew he was here in NY; she just never reached out to him. She figured with NYADA he would already have enough on his hands and truly she had still been a bit jealous upon first arriving. After she had gotten over it all, her past really didn't seem to relate with her life anymore other than Noah. Why would it when she was just so happy with the life they had created, sure it may has seemed awful but in her defense people move on so it really shouldn't be a big deal. It wasn't an issue to him either because he did seem to understand. When he had realized it was her whom crashed into him; he had hugged the life out of her. They decided to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on each other's lives. He of course had already had known of the finchel break up and that she was a star in NY now but other than that he knew nothing of her life.

They talked for what seemed like hours, he had graduated from NYADA and found himself staring in off Broadway play for quite a few years. He received his teaching degree in theater arts, he also volunteers at a children's theaters in the city. Telling her of how fulfilled he feels these days, how happy living in the city makes him. Blaine apparently followed him to the city not far after he had graduated, also attending NYADA. She had already seen Blaine in the city many times, though she kept low as she would pass him going to and from rehearsals. They were both stars in the city on Broadway and she had managed to never get casted in the same production. Kurt had told her he had been to a few of her plays with Blaine, he said he was always so tempted to break the waves and just dive in.

Yet something held him back, he told her maybe it was the fact he was so close with Finn and didn't want to bring up those old feeling if she was still hurt over him after so long. Finn had apparently told a few fibs in where she had thrown fits for him to take her back many times after she left for NY. That she pled and begged for him to join her in the city but he refused because he knew it was best for them if they would both move on. She couldn't help but burst into laughter at his words; he'd looked so confused and caught off guard. She smiled at him reassuringly that she would sort it all out for him in his confused state. She had explained that why yes she had been sad at first but after she left that day with her engagement ring placed in her pocket they had never spoken again. She moved to NY Not long after and attended school. Finn had been a fleeting thought and only in her mind before she met her soul mate for the second time in her life.

Latter for meeting once again being with each other for the rest of their lives. Kurt noticed that she was wearing an engagement ring for the second time in her life, though this one was obviously not the first one that was given to her. This one was absolutely beautiful, a gorgeous large vintage style white gold ring. He had a smug look on his face as he tapped on her ring while arching a perfectly shaped eye brow at her in question. She had felt so shy under his intense gaze; she started to blush as she explained that she was newly engaged and her then boyfriend now fiancé had just asked her less than two months ago to be his bride. Her fiancé, Noah Puckerman. She would be Mrs. Noah Puckerman within the year. The 26 year old Broadway star, Tony nominated performer had attained almost everything she had ever wanted. All of the rest she dreams of would come at a later time in her life, and she knew it would all be with in perfect timing.

Upon Kurt realizing her fiancé was Puck from high school; he oddly smiled and then had said he knew that they would always end up together. He hugged her at the end of their coffee outing and offered her his number. Said they should make it out on a double date sometime with him and Blaine. Not forgetting to let her know how much he had really missed her and hopes he wouldn't have to any more. They did reconnect and continue a friendship after their accidental meeting. Following date had taken place with the male duo being reunited with the Jewish lovers. They all went on double dates from time to time, catching up and reminiscing about the past.

About a year later after marrying her soul mate she finally won that Tony Award and while giving her acceptance speech she announce to the world that she was four months pregnant with her and her husband's first child together. Obviously this was not Noah's first child but the first child that they had come to create together. Beth is doing absolutely wonderful with her mother Shelby, and she doesn't hold any qualms against her biological mother for wanting to adopt a child. She now understood what the love of a child could do to you. The love of a child sucks all of the selfishness right out of you, completely. Her life in this time felt so hectic and perfect all at the same time, they were having a baby. Giving life to a child, they were going to provide the best life possible for this little bundle of joy. Not long after her announcement, another one had to be made about the sex of the child they created. They called her fathers over and Skyped his mother and sister to tell them the news all together as a family. They were having a beautiful baby boy, a healthy strong baby boy. Everyone was extremely happy for the pair, especially Noah's mother.

During her entire pregnancy neither parent could lose the smiles on their face, in complete happiness. Not much changed in their lives except for buying a larger home in Manhattan, and also moving from front lines of Broadway to producing and directing the shows. She knew that with her status on Broadway she could easily make a return to the stage once she decided that she was ready. She actually liked working on the shows behind the scene for once, it was a nice change of pace while pregnant and then taking care of a new born baby. Sometimes it was stressful very while Noah was at work and she was alone with the tiny little guy. He had such a set of lungs on him, it made her smile so brightly when she would gaze at him an listen to his cry as she calmed him down.

Their baby boy had beautiful chocolate brown hair, bright hazel eyes, perfect pouty lips, and light tanned skin. Raising their child together had been the best days of their life, some days were easier than others but most days had been brilliant. Life for the trio had been absolutely blessed. Never would she thought that she could have a life on Broadway and a family, her dreams were big but dulled in comparison to what she had actually achieved. She achieved so much more then stardom, she has a husband whom she has shared her entire life with, a child whom she has watched grow up into a handsome magnificent man. A man who makes her so proud to be called a mother; she raised a boy whom is now a man with his own family.

As she sits in her beautiful home, on her comfortable couch with her strikingly attractive husband. She lays her head on his chest and smiles as she reminisces about her life and the life they have shared together. The life she thought would have been different, the life she is grateful that it isn't. Rachel Barbra Berry fell in love with the unexpected life; Rachel Barbra Berry fell in love with Noah Puckerman and wouldn't change that fact for anything in the world. Losing NYADA had been the best thing to ever happen to her, because if she didn't she might be married to Finn Hudson and that is a life she just couldn't imagine anymore.

_Fin._

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**AN:**I do hope you all enjoyed my version of Rachel and Noah's Future from Rachel's point of view, short but sweet. I really liked writing this and I hope it was easy to read and to understand. Feedback would be lovely, thank you for taking the time to read. I am also pretty sure I will not write on this exact story again but If I am inspired I am sure I shall be back to write another puckleberry fanfiction. I absolutely adore P/R relationships, like crazy because they are my favorite pair ever! Take care all of my lovely, lovely readers. *

I had to edit this story by breaking down my paragraphs in to smaller sections; apparently some people can't comprehend large amounts of text at once. I hope they never read an actual book.


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